My (Old) Review of Transformers 3

NOTE: I originally sent this to my friends immediately after seeing the midnight premiere of Transformers: Dark of the Moon this summer. It’s since traveled around my small group of friends, and I’ve been told it’s a more than accurate representation of the film. I’ll leave it up to you to decide if that’s a good thing or not. -Dwight

You know what this movie was like? 

You know how you were a kid, and you setup elaborate backyard battles with your Transformers, GI Joes, He-Man, Ninja Turtles and whatever the fuck else was around? And maybe at one moment, you needed Bumblebee and Man-at-Arms to go down a hill in a dumptruck into the creek for no other reason than you thought it would be cool? And then maybe Optimus Prime would throw Cobra Commander into an open barbecue, at which point, your adventure ends abruptly because goddamnit your father was about to put the burgers on?  

That’s what the last hour of this movie was like. Completely nonsensical, loud, and ridiculous.

The nine-year old in me loved it.

The 3D is amazing. Rosie Whateverherlastnameis is a huge upgrade over Megan Fox, and you know how I feel about generic blondes with flat asses.